Tales of the Parodyverse

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Spaztic Chyld
Wed Sep 01, 2004 at 04:06:48 pm EDT
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Indiana Gnome AND THE GARGOYLE OF DOOM! (Part 1)
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Indiana Gnome and Gunthar
in...

Indiana Gnome... AND THE GARGOYLE of DOOM!

It’s a dark night and a car makes it’s way through some windy streets that lead to the city of Parodopolis. It seems to be taking an out of the way route, as only a few of the locals know about this way of getting into the city. They don’t like to use it much because of it’s reputation for being dangerous... especially at night.
“It’s been months, Charlie, since we’s seen da no good rat! You’s thinks we’s should be out here lookin’ for ‘im?” asks a weasel of a man, wearing a pin striped suit. He is driving the car with a steady eye over his shoulder to make sure they’re not being followed.
“Ahh... Shuh yer trap! Da boss says we’s gots only tree days ta get back wit ider ‘im or his body, or else it’s gonna be us in da hot seat... if ya know’s what I mean!” His traveling companion looks like his face belongs on an FBI most wanted list- and is!
“Yeah! Yeah! I get’s yer drift.” squeaks the thin man. “But why’s da boss tink we’s might find ‘im here in dis place? I’s got’s a cousin in Parodopolis who’s says it’s full of nuttin but weirdos! An’ I’m talkin’ da superhero kinds! For all we’s know da no good rat went ta one ‘o dem for help!”
“Whatever! Da Boss says get’s da thief an get back quick, or it’s our heads on da line! You got me Ratty?! I ain’ goin’ down over some lousy little thief, so step on it will ya!”
The car turns a sharp turn and races through a stop sign. *BAM*CRUNCH*
“Ratty! Why don’ ya watch where yer goin’!” Charlie yells at him out of anger more than anything. Then he notices that Ratty’s eyes are straight forward, bulging with fear. Charlie turns slowly to see a huge statue in front of them melt into flesh tones and leather. Two enormous dark wings fold down to the sides of the car. Both occupants of the vehicle lean forward to try and get a glimpse of the creature’s face, as it is too tall to see from their seats.
“RRRROOOOAAARRRRRRRRRR!”
“Get us outta here Ratty!!” Charlie yells as Ratty shifts the car rapidly into reverse. When they pull away, their hood crunched into a “V” shape, they both get a look at the beast before them. Ten feet tall, form of a man, but giant bat wings. “Jumpin’ Jehosaphat!”
“It don’ look too happy Charlie”
“No crap it don’ look happy! Jus’ get us da heck outta here!”
Ratty turns the car around and floors it, but they don’t seem to move. “What’s da matter now?! Don’ tell me the engine’s busted!”
“I’m floorin’ it Charlie! I really am!”
*EEEEEEERRRRR* *POP-POP*
“What da heck was dat!” Ratty yells and turns to see Charlie looking out their rear window with a look of horror on his face. Closing his eyes, he too turns to the back window and opens his eyes again. On the trunk of their car is a massive foot that could only belong to the beast they had just hit. It was bending the trunk in a “V” shape as well. Then, with the sound of the roof being peeled back like a piece of aluminum foil, Ratty passes out. Charlie squeaks in terror as the beast looks him in the eye.



“So, what do we got here?” asks a man who flashes an FBI badge. The sun barely coming over the hills to the east of Parodopolis lights the industrial area rather well.
“Well, we thought you might want to get a look at this.” A police officer escorts him to the remains of a Cadillac Coupe DeVille that looked like it had been torn to pieces and thrown up against the front doors of a bakery. Giant footprints were everywhere, indenting the pavement and the trunk of the car. “Some workers called this in this morning. Said they found the car blocking their door. When they tried to go around to the back to get in and call us, they found this.” The officer walked the FBI agent around the back of the building where Ratty was hanging upside down from a light pole, his ankles tied up by the wires from the light fixture; a look of horror frozen on his face. “We matched him from an FBI file you’d sent our office a few months ago.” The officer directed the agent towards the dumpster which looked like something caved in the top. They walked up the stairs and looked down on the scene.
“Looks like somebody took out the ‘Trash Man’ this time.” the agent muttered. There, in the dumpster, was Charlie “the Trash Man” Monilli. He was white as a ghost, cut all up, and alive- but barely.
“M-m-m-m-monster..... w-w-w-wings..... Ratty......l-l- look out.......”
“He’s been muttering that since we found him.” the police officer said. An ambulance pulled up and the crew rushed to the dumpster. After a few minutes of painful screams and some snipping of clothes, they managed to get him on the stretcher.
“Almost every bone in his body’s been broken.” reported the EMT to the FBI agent. “You can ride with us if you’d like. We’re not positive he’ll make it to the hospital.” After they put Charlie into the ambulance, the agent got in to question him as much as possible.



The next day’s papers are filled with big headlines “CHARLIE ‘THE TRASH MAN’ GET’S TRASHED BY WINGED MONSTER!” “GARGOYLE SUSPECTED IN KILLING... IS THE CITY SAFE?” “MOBSTER RATS ON MONSTER” “MONSTER TAKES OUT THE TRASH MAN, AND HUNG THE RAT OUT TO DRY”
Officer Mc Intyre sits in the middle of Statue Park reading just a few of the headlines to a short man on the bench opposite of him. Officer Mc Intyre is from a long line of watchers; an ancient group that never stopped believing in faeries. Their goal in life is to watch and monitor the actions of the faerie folk which have not yet left this earth or plane of existence. In fact, since the return to public eye of this little man before him, the watchers have been hopeful of an even larger return of faerie kind. The little man before him, is none other than Indiana Gnome.
Indiana is about three foot one, which is tall for gnome standards, and looks as one might imagine. He constantly wears an old leather jacket and has high leather boots that come up to his knees. His sandy blonde hair comes just below his shoulder and conveniently hides his pointed ears; helped by his brown leather fedora of course. A look of disbelief spreads even further across his face with every Headline read. As Officer Mc Intyre finishes the last headline and sets it down, Indiana jumps to his feet.
“Gunthar wouldn’t do that to any human! Have you forgotten his beginnings?!” Indiana defends his friend as any gnome would.
“I’m not sayin’ tha’ yer giant of a friend did any ‘o this, Indiana.” He says in a thick Irish accent. “All’s I’m sayin’ is tha yehd bettah tell him ta keep low just until tings cool down a bit, or every other rising superhero out there will be huntin’ him down for sure!” His tone is more of sincere worry than of defense and Indiana recognizes this.
Sitting down next to Mc Intyre, he picks up one of the papers and reads it. Shaking his head, he turns to Mc Intyre. “Ya know, if they wrote in the ancient language, this would be easier to understand.”
“Aigh, Indie, tha it would.” A smile forms on the officer’s face, “But I don’ tink we’ll be gettin’ the whole world to print in Rhyonee any time soon.” He pats Indiana on the shoulder and gets up from the bench. “Don’ ya be worryin’ now. Gunthar’s a tough bloke. He can handle himself.” Indiana only half nods and Officer Mc Intyre looks at his watch. “Well, it’s almost time for me shift Indie. Ya knows where ta find me. See ya around.”
As he walks away, Indiana looks at the pictures of the footprints and wonders aloud, “Gunthar... what have you done?” The last time he saw Gunthar was when Indiana was saying goodbye to his martyred love. Somewhere in the back part of his mind, he recalls the memory of a time when Gunthar had gone insane and uncontrollable. It was shortly after he’d first met him in fact. And because he’s seen Gunthar on a rampage before, some part of him doubts his innocence.
“What am I thinking!!” he says to himself. “Gunthar would never do this kind of stuff to people! He may be violent at times, but he would never torture a person!” Indiana jumps off of his bench and storms through the statues of famous superheroes to the back of the park which overlooks the industrial part of town. Gunthar you dolt... where have you gone...


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